moi

2011-05-19T23:56:00.002+08:00

somehow, this feels like some heartbreak season or whatsoever.
everyone around me seems moody and upset
I have no idea why but all these negative feelings are causing me to reflect upon myself.

Despite all the dramas in my life,
I kinda feel contented with what i have
Perhaps mag has rubbed some of her mindset on me.
HAHAH i mean, its damn rare to have people around you are are contended with what they have

So, i guess the key to leading is a happy life is not about having what you want.

BUT

being thankful for what you have.

I am thankful that despite u being gone, i still have daddy kor, jie and GG.
I am thankful that despite us quarreling a lot, i still have QC by my side all the time.
I am thankful that despite me not being in SMU biz, i still have SMU SOSS.

P.S. Lets literally look at the bright side:)

One step at a time

2011-05-16T01:21:00.000+08:00

Alright, I've been trying to fall asleep for the past hour. But it doesn't seem like I am going to fall asleep anytime soon. So, I shall attempt to revive this blog a little. It's seems really dead...

So yeap! I am officially a smu kid. Have been waiting for this day when I can say it out loud:) haha alright.so, I was reading about my blog post from the past. And seriously, even since that nightmare happened in my life, all my blog post seems so sad. sigh! Look what u did mummy!!!

Whatever it is, I really feel happier these days:) not that I have forgotten about my mum( it's impossible to forget about her) but I guess I've have some stuff to look forward to in my life? Life isn't great. But just like what others always say, we have to focus on the great side of life?

Lets see, I've got a great family, got a great bf,got into the school I always wanted and great friends! What I am lacking is just u in my life. But let's not be greedy alright? One step at a time!

-You won't blame me if I am happy right?

Don't let history repeat. Please.

2010-12-02T23:56:00.001+08:00

I have no idea my but ever since my A levels has ended, I seem to be quarreling with you a lot.

I really hate all these. I am afraid that we might have a bad relationship again like last time.

I hated the times then.

Please, don't let history repeat itself.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-11-20T00:30:00.002+08:00

well.. i'm left with 3 more paper then it will officially be the end of my jc life.
at least i hope it would be..

recently, i hit me that u only went through one major exam in my life.
and thats like freaking psle.
i hate you for what u did mummy.
i'm serious.

2010-09-21T22:55:00.002+08:00

Its funny how life plays with me.
everyday, i try to get myself busy so that you can get out of my head.
but every night, you simply appear in my dreams
it is life that is fooling with me or you?

had a sweet dream that day.
i dreamt that you came back from prison.
you weren't dead at all.
you were just away.
seriously, i would rather you were being punished by law than for you to be dead.

went out with my class today.
sorry if i seemed anti social i just miss her so much.

Sea Wolf - The Garden That You Planted [[Lyrics]]

2010-09-19T21:50:00.000+08:00

2010-09-19T21:37:00.002+08:00

dear mummy,

had this sudden urge to write you a letter.its been a long long time since i last met you and i miss you terribly. so much that its killing me inside. well nothing exciting has been happening to my life. having stupid prelims now. wish you were here to tell me everything is going to be alright even if i failed very badly for this exam.

your birthday is next thursday. normally, at this time of the year, i will be cracking my brain to think about what gift i should get you. but, i haven't been doing that for 2 years now.its sucks.like totally. it sucks even more to see people around me enjoying the love their mum is giving them yet all i have is the love you used to give me in the past.

why did you do what you did. how could you think that daddy kor jie and me could life happily without you. ever since you left us, there hasn't been a day whereby the family is truly happy. somtimes, i can feel that everyone in the family is trying to put up a tough front to one another so that we can try to carry on with our life.it hurts to see daddy so sad all the time. its even sadder to come to a home without you in it. everyone misses you mummy.

i miss you so much.

love,
bebe

exam stress

2010-09-10T16:30:00.001+08:00

prelims are like next week and i seriously have no confidence for it at all -..-
sigh...how i wish you were here to make me feel better..
Maybe its because your birthday is coming thats why i miss you even more....

2010-08-02T22:20:00.003+08:00

times like these makes me miss you more.
cause. it makes me wonder if you were around what advice would you be giving me.

currently watching ghost whisperer.
this show is not that amazing but, it got me to wonder whether whatever the show is conveying is true.
if it is, i seriously wonder whether you have crossed over.
part of me wish you have not done that cos it meant that you cannot let go of this family.
i know this sounds damn selfish but a glimpse of hope to tell me the family still meant a lot to you keeps my heart warm

2010-08-02T22:11:00.004+08:00

The stress is killing me
i feel like i am losing myself to it.
i seems as though i can no longer control my mind or whatever now.
it sucks. cos you know what, this will only cause more problems for me
damn. screw all these minor problems.

you know, i really hate coming online these days.
it seems too hurtful to be online.
EVERYTHING seems to be shouting, lingyu you sucks.
from msn to blogs. damn.
and its not as though he don't know its hurting me
he continue to do it.
i hope he knows that i just want an apology for hurting me through that way.
well i guess...

sometimes it gets so tiring, i just want to give up.

2010-08-02T21:06:00.000+08:00

Every single time i read you blog,
i feel like an uglier human.

2010-07-28T00:17:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, someone told me that the number of days left to A levels is 95days which means it's only 94 more days to A levels...

When I was told about the figures, I felt the stress from the top of my head all the way down to my feets.. The stress is real,and it is starting to consume me bit by bit..

I am scared. Will someone provide me the comfort that I need? I have no idea how I am gonna deal with this stress..
I have never been this stressed before. How how how..

I really wanna go back to those days whereby my only job was to play. Well, at least back then, you were still by me...

I really want to hear from you that everything is going to be fine

Times like this just intensify how much I miss you. Why are you not by me?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-07-18T19:30:00.000+08:00

Aim for prelims, no S and U on my report slip

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-07-11T15:30:00.001+08:00

I wonder if I die who woul give a damn.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-07-11T13:00:00.000+08:00

I miss him so badly
Every second is passing like years without him

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-07-11T05:22:00.000+08:00

Funny how he thinks that I would feel it's a good deal leaving him.
When i'm fact, I am suffering so much inside.
I really love you but,
I am desperately in need of time

2010-07-05T00:14:00.001+08:00

The feeling sucks even more when they cannot even be bothered to keep it from me anymore.it's like they stop bothering about how I feel. They make smoking seems like a natural thing when it's not at all.

Can't you guys just be more discrete about it?

It wasn't like that when you were here...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-06-27T16:57:00.004+08:00

the anxiety in me seems to be killing me now,
eating me from within.
it doesn't seem to matter how much i try to convince myself that i don give a damn about mid years,
because, at the end of the day i know i do
damn it.
but there isn't much for me to change a fact now.
the truth is, i have been wasting my june holidays away.
doing everything else but not study
lingyu, you brought this upon yourself
clear your own mess please.

2010-06-26T21:30:00.002+08:00

once Monday arrives, i will no longer be able to deceive myself.
con myself into believing that there is still time,don worry

once this new term begins,
i need to focus, work hard
if not,
i will not make it through.
and when that happens,
i will lose all my rights to bargain.

i want to make it through this A,
i want to be independent- financially i mean
i don't want to be stuck in this school anymore.
its driving me nuts
the aura i am getting from it,
it's too depressing for me to handle

i'm in desperate need for a new, fresh environment
i hate this place.

i'm going to work hard,
to have a new environment,
new life.

2010-06-25T20:00:00.003+08:00

i hate exams.
they torture students like me-students who procrastinate
i cannot get myself to sit down and focus at all.
i need to tune my mind
hopefully who ever is up there can help me
and let me scrape through this round
i got a feeling i am going to go into the exam hall and
stone
this feeling is so frightening!
and seriously, world cup isn't helping me much

lingyu, you need to focus

2010-06-25T17:06:00.003+08:00

seriously, i think i am giving up on this.
in the past, i used to think that i will eventually do well.
but now, i have this feeling as though my A levels is screwed.
i don't want to study! arghh
i hate this.
where was that hardworking me?
the problem is,
i know that i am screwed but
i am doing nothing about it.

2010-06-11T21:23:00.001+08:00

Can someone save me?
I have no idea what the hell you want.

2010-05-22T22:32:00.001+08:00

today, you were uncertain about this relationship we have.
I reassured you.
In the future, there will be more of today.
but i promise,
i will do what i did today and
reassure you for the rest of my life.

2010-05-11T17:34:00.002+08:00

In the past, you were there to curb any insecurities i have.
but now, you are the one causing all the insecurities i have.

i guess i really need to grow up now,
i need to start learning to live my life without you
cos the hurting truth is that you will never be back.

i will try to live my life now,
i am going to try my best to live without you.
i won't be easy but i need to do it
if not, i will end up pushing everyone around me who love me away.

i guess i have to accept that corny saying,
you are gonna live in my heart.
not going live for you anymore,
cos, this is my life and i think you will want me to do it too.

i love you but,
it's time for me to grow.

2010-05-09T15:51:00.003+08:00

Our first date together (:

the 6 months we've been through wasn't easy at all.
but looking back at these 6 months, it was all worth it,
the fights we had and all made us understand each other more
also, they made us cherish the presence of each other even more.

i'm looking forward to more 6months with you.
because, i love you qingchang<3<3<3

2010-05-09T02:20:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE SHU HUI!!!!!<3<3<3

Sorry for this late post! should have been up like 4 days ago or something! but i've been really busy so i'm sorry cheryl! let's see.. this is like the 7th year i am celebrating your birthday with you cheryl!:D:D:D besides wishing you happy birthday, i wanna thank you for being such a great friend to me! i realy appreciate it a lot! thanks for standing by me when i needed to lean on someone, thanks for being so silly and making me laugh all the time! thanks girl! i am really glad that you play such an important role in my life! i love you cheryl! once again, happy birthday girl! hope you willl own the A levels exams! and sorry for no doing much for your birthday:(

2010-05-07T23:56:00.001+08:00

the only way for me to celebrate mother's day with you is through dreaming
i am going to sleep now.
i pray that i will meet you there
and when i do, i wish i will never wake up from that dream
i miss you mummy

2010-05-07T22:33:00.002+08:00

its mother's day in like two day.
Happy Mother's Day, i love you
hope you can hear or read this.

2010-05-04T22:52:00.002+08:00

this feeling really sucks big time.
i hate it a lot.
it really sucks when he turn and look at me and tell me how beautiful a part was and i have no idea which part he is talking about
it sucks to not be able to share his joy
maybe i am just jealous?
that i don't have something i am so passionate about
once it was track, then it was council and now...
what a life i have man.
life sucks.

2010-05-02T20:53:00.002+08:00

i dunno why but it seems as though the whole world is trying to remind me mother's day is around the corner
and you know what, that seriously sucks.
i miss my mother so much that i can kill myself.
i really miss her
i want her back to my life.
i really want!
i wan to know how it feels like to be loved by my mother again.
it too depressing to live without her.
every time i think of her, i literally can feel my heart breaking again and again.

2010-04-19T22:41:00.002+08:00

i seriously hate this feeling! omg..
i feel freaking unreasonable yet, i cannot stop myself from feeling it.
damn. i really don like her.
wtf is wrong with me.

2010-04-07T19:43:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, i really wish i wasn't there at that time when things between u and her were pretty messed up

2010-04-07T19:23:00.001+08:00

sigh. i feel that that bitch inside me is trying to get out ):

2010-03-22T21:04:00.001+08:00

you make me wonder whether i should love you less so that i will not get hurt too much.

2010-03-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

Dear Yee Lingyu, below are Prediction result of Your Future Married Life:

How will you choose your Mr Right? No matter how many men you have beating a path to your front door, when it comes to picking Mr Right, you'll listen to your parents. Not only will you become weary of all your suitors, deep down you don't quite trust your own judgment.

Who will be your future Mr Right?:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Your future hubby will be lovely and sweet

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :But a little immature - possibly even a spoilt brat! This guy will tri

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You'll always be willing to watch his back and clean up his mess

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :He might be the same age as you are or even younger

When will you get married?:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :As soon as you fall in love

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You'll want to grab your man and hang on to him

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You will probably marry very young

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So it would be wise of you to think carefully before committing

What sort of wife will you be?:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You may as well have fun with him

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You'll make a fun-loving wife

Will you and your husband have a good time togethe:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activit

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You won't end up quite as healthy

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :But you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends

What will your children be like?:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Your kids will be very naughty

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :They will often get into trouble but you will have a great time bringi

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :They are lively and smart

How loyal are you?:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You get along very well with most guys

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :But actually you've got a loyal heart

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband

2010-03-15T22:58:00.000+08:00

you made me realize that it is possible to love again.

2010-02-14T18:48:00.002+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY and
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PPL!!!!
its chinese new year but the atmosphere is totally not here
it think its really because you are no longer here
its like the second chinese new year which you are not here
i really miss you
ppl say during festive seasons ppl starts to think about their loved ones
this is so totally true,
not just me but my whole family seems to miss her exceptionally more these days
i really cannot stand this.
all the festive season have lost their meaning
look what you have done to my life.

2010-02-07T21:22:00.002+08:00

i went to my aunt's mum's wake yesterday.
on my way there, i was imagining what the whole scene would be when i am there.
in my mind, i was preparing what to say to my aunt
since i went through wat she is going through now.
but to my surprise, the scene at the wake was totally different from my mum's wake.
unlike my mum's wake, the wake was peaceful. there wasn't much tears.
everyone was smiling and alright.
then it hit upon me.
ppl's mum death is not as much as a tragic as mine mum's.
reason being. her mum's death was natural.
it was time for her to go.
but what about my mum?
it wasn't time for her to go.
just not yet.
why did she have to go in that way.
when i was young, i always refuse to believe my mum will die one day.
why can't u let me live in denial
why do u have to wake me up.
telling me what i believe in is fake.
that my mum will not be here forever?
WHY WHY!
i don't understand

2010-01-19T19:36:00.000+08:00

i've never gotten any love close to this. :D

2010-01-17T05:23:00.002+08:00

i always thought i've learn my lesson ever since what happened
i thought i had it under control.
i thought i learnt to stop taking the people who i love a lot for granted
but apparently i am super wrong.
why do i keep committing the same mistake.
i don't want to.
i don't wanna regret only after the person whom i love is gone
cos i know the feeling sucks
its unbearable.
it sucks to know that i've never grown.
damn it lingyu.
grow up.

2010-01-03T20:16:00.003+08:00

you told me you loved me, loved our family.
but in the end, you chosen to take my family away with you
this family is no longer how it used to be.
the family which used to bring so much joy to me was basically my life.
now that you are gone, and so is that family,
it seems as though my life is screwed.
and the saddest part is,
nothing can mend it because a family is irreplaceable

2010-01-01T19:51:00.002+08:00

today is the first day of the new year.
2 years ago, wheni was in sec 4, i never expected 2010 to be like that.
then, i thought my mum will be nagging me, telling me its time for me to study for my A levels
her going around weird places to pray for me pray that i will do well for my A level
thats what i saw two years ago.
despite all the nagging, i was happy cos i knew she is with me.
Now, 2 years has past, i am still taking my A levels.
The only different is, she is no longer here with me.
althoug its has been 1 yr plus since whatever had happened, the memory of that fateful night still seems so freaking clear in my head.
its as though it is imprinted on my mind.
i hate the fact that i am remembering for that night.
i desperately want that image of her lying there out of my mind.
i miss her so much
so much that i think she wouldn't even believe me
i want her back in my life
i want to be like my friends,
complaining about how much their mothers are nagging at them
i want to have her here so that i can love her and share with her everything in my life.
i miss her too much.

2009-12-31T00:27:00.000+08:00

seriously, i hate the fact that i volunteer to commit myself into this shit.

2009-12-27T02:20:00.002+08:00

oh man. i hate this situation i am in now.
it seems as though i have brought this upon myself.
damn. i really feel like giving up!
but i know i can't be so irresponsible to do that.
come on lingyu! jia you!
you made it through in the past.
and this is nothing compared to the past.
JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!!!'
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

2009-12-14T21:02:00.001+08:00

you are playing such a huge role in my life and i didn't realize it till now.
i'm glad i finally realised it now.
watch out
cos, i'm never gonna let go.

2009-12-12T10:17:00.001+08:00

now, even my blog seems to have more smile:D
Thankyou :D

2009-11-29T17:23:00.001+08:00

yesterday was round 2 of happiness :D

2009-11-27T22:50:00.001+08:00

it feels like a whole new family for me:D

2009-11-13T20:59:00.001+08:00

My superman actually exists! :D:D:D:D

2009-11-09T19:57:00.002+08:00

每一次从爱里离开
就像是心被切一块
切一块
下次再也不敢放胆爱
谁知道主歌才一半
桥段都还没唱出来
就突然
你的出现爆破了悲哀
难道我又我又初恋了
不可能我又我又初恋了
可是真的真的初恋了
这一种feel
我又真的真的初恋了
我爱你你爱我
我们再也找不到藉口
就像是第一次
一起飞著爱情的自由
我爱你你爱我
我们再也不需要藉口
又一次初恋了
就算降讲有一点荒谬
谁在乎喔

2009-11-08T23:22:00.001+08:00

what more can i ask for. :D:D:D:D:D

2009-11-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

i like this feeling you give me :D

2009-11-03T23:54:00.001+08:00

goodbye my lover.

2009-10-31T20:46:00.000+08:00

to be happy all you need is:

sushi
lollipop
kite flying
and most importantly, a brother

2009-10-25T02:20:00.001+08:00

Sabotuer is really a fun game!
hahah thanks Mr Leo for introducing this game to me!
haha bad thing abt the game..
people will see what kind of person you are..
hahaha! NOT GOOD.
but...., most importantly, i had fun, after a long long long time!
:D:D:D:D:D:D

2009-10-17T21:20:00.002+08:00

6 more hours.after 6 hours, its gonna be officially one year.
she is officially not in my life for one year.
Damnit. last year, at this point of time, i was just busy thinking about how am i gonna fare for my O levels.
little did i know that 6 hours later, something is gonna happen
and it was gonna change my life forever.

its gonna one year and i still have no fucking idea why u did what u did.
if only u knew how screwed my life is without you.
den maybe, maybe u would not have done that.
without u in my life, everything is so different,
everything seems so bleak and all.
i thought one year would be long enough for me to get over it
but apparently, it is not.
i still cry like hell when i have thoughts about you.
i really miss you.
there is sooo much more for me to do to you
i haven't do anything for you.
i have not give you money to spend.
i have not introduce my bf to you.
i have not let you see be graduate from a university.
there is sooo much more to my life.
but all this needs you.
since young i've pictured my whole life with you in it.
now that you're gone, there isn't much in my life to look forward to anymore.

i feel fucking lost with my life now.
you used to be my direction.
you were the reason why i wanna do well in my studies.
you were the reason why i could live life to the fullest.
without u now, life is a screwed up shit.
i have no idea what i'm living for
i am not happy.
i want to be in your embrace again.

i miss you mummy.

2009-09-15T20:06:00.003+08:00

OMG. i am so fucking stressed now.
Not passing my promos seems to have too many implications which i do want to happen.
there is like so many reasons now for me NOT to pass it
I SERIOUSLY NEED TO PASS MY PROMOS
if not, i will be letting to many ppl down.

2009-09-07T18:40:00.002+08:00

somehow. i feel like my life is crashing.
there seems to be no reason to carry on
sorry for being emo or whatever
but there is really too many things happening concurrently in my life
Family, studies, relationships and council
knowing that only cheryl is there for me is somehow not enough
i need to have more love
i need to have people to pour all of my sorrows to
sorry for being so greedy

i know i am strong but trust me i am not that strong
i don't know how much longer i can take this
sorry friends if one day you wake up and don't find me there
i will try my best to pull through this.
but if my best is not enough then please don't be sad.

2009-09-02T20:04:00.001+08:00

Biffy Clyro - Machines

I would dig a thousand holes to lay next to you
I would dig a thousand more if I needed to
I look around the grave for an escape route of old routines
There doesn’t seem to be any other way

Cause I’ve started falling apart I’m not savouring life
I’ve forgotten how good it could be to feel alive

Crazy as it sounds you wont feel as low as you feel right now
At least that’s what I've been told by everyone
I whisper empty sounds in your ear and hope that you won’t let go
Take the pieces and build them skywards

Cause I've started falling apart I’m not savouring life
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive

I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards

I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards

I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards

Take the pieces and build them skywards
and
Take the pieces and build them skywards
and
Take the pieces and build them up to the sky.

2009-09-02T19:59:00.003+08:00

the stress is finally getting to me.
i have no idea why it took this long this time.
i always have a sense of urgency when it comes to my study.
but it doesn't seems to be the case now.
what the hell happened to my life.
i feel like shit now.
i feel like a big loser.
i am starting to hate this life.
someone please help me.
please pull me out of this.
i want to know how it feels like to be living again.

2009-08-05T19:47:00.002+08:00

i would seriously give up anything in the world
just for her to be back in my life
i hate it that now,
when i call mummy, there is absolute silent
i seriously forgotten how she sounded like.
its gonna be 10 months since she's out of my life
these 10 months had been hell
this wasn't what i imagine this year to be last year
it doesn't make sense.
she should be here with me
she should be here listening to me
she should be here talking to me
she should be here nagging me
she should be here to joke with me
she should be here to cook for me
she should be here to let me shower her with all my love
she just should be here.

what happened to all these should be?

2009-07-30T21:04:00.002+08:00

it's been nine months plus since you are out of my life.
this nine months had been really tiring without you here beside me,
giving me encouragement and assurances in whatever i do.
somehow, without your assurances i've seem to lose faith in myself
i no longer am confident in whatever i do.
see how much i need you?
tomorrow is PTM.
the first time you are not attending not because you are not around but simply because you are not around to attend it.
this sucks, big time.

2009-07-26T03:44:00.000+08:00

i tried my best to become the best girlfriend you'll have.
but i guess my best isn't enough.

2009-07-26T02:38:00.001+08:00

seriously, i dunno what is it that you want.
you keep telling me she is not in your head anymore.
but every time u get so screwed up over her.
even the slightest thing that she does to u gets u all emo and shit
what do u want me to do man.
wtf do u want me to do so u can feel better
maybe a break would be better
maybe it will give you some time to go think whether u want this relationship or not.
i am so tired of guessing whether i am first
i am sick and tired of all this crap.

2009-07-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

its been a really tiring week for me.
all the shit results investiture stuff and all.
really taxing my mind a lot.
screwed my mid yrs like shit.
worst results in all my life.
but i admit.. i didn't study at all.
somehow i didn't have any motivations to study for this MYE
in the past studying seems to be for her.
but now... she is no longer here,
the aim of getting good results is no longer there.
damn.
daddy just told me he wants to go overseas to try to let go of stuff for 2 weeks.
totally agree with him.
don't want him to be at home all day thinking abt emo stuff
but part of me just don't want him to leave me for such a long period.
my mind just cannot accept the fact that both my parents are not with me
damn.
cried like hell just now..
the thought of my parents not being by my side kills me
in the past, i always thought they would be here.
but now... i finally realized how easy is it for them to be out of my life.

reality sucks.

2009-07-07T01:10:00.003+08:00

Sometimes humans really irk me.
why do they have to wait till something is gone den start to regret abt not cherishing it.
why don't we learn from our mistakes?

seriously.

2009-07-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

right now, i really feel contended with my life besides the fact that she is no longer here. she is still deep inside me although i don't really show it. thanks zy for letting me feel happy and cared once again! thanks for making me feel so secure about my life. after so long. there seems to be more reasons for me to press on and live well and not do anything stupid like her. i love you zy! sorry that i don't mention it so much as u do but just want you to know everytime i say i love you, i truly deeply mean it! thanks you for appearing in my life in the point of time especially!!!! LOVE YOU!!!

2009-07-01T21:58:00.003+08:00

this is to my beloved CHERYL!

i m really glad both of us have managed to go through so much together that now, we can safely say that our friendship will last for life. thanks Cheryl for always being there for me when i needed help needed someone to support me especially last year. it was really nice of u to be there. somehow reminded me that there are still people who cares about me besides my family. i really enjoy this relationship we share whereby we can just chillax. thanks Cheryl!

2009-06-18T00:44:00.002+08:00

i really really dunno what you want from me.
seriously..
i really tried my best to not make our relationship sour
but at the end of the day u just shoot me and say..
'i really dunno how to communicate with you.'
seriousyly..
have u tot how much this statement would make me sad..
i am really trying my best to make this work. and by saying thi i do mean you are nottrying to your best.
i wanna talk.. but at the end of the day u just say you don't know how to talk to me and walk away.
i seriously dunno la...
okay.. its partly because the way i talk but seriously have u ask urself whether its the way you talk also?
i dunno la..
i really hate this
i hate the way our relationship is la...

2009-06-15T01:29:00.002+08:00

i've always tot that i was some strong and matured girl
but today, i realised i am not that strong afterall.
i am just selfish bitch who is just running away from reality
so far wat i have been doing is just to keep myself occupied
so that i don give myself time to think abt her
yes. and i managed to achieved that.
i am really busy and it had really been a long time since i tot abt her
but did i stop and think abt my family?
my dad, my bro, my sis
i am always not at home.
i'd never considered their feelings
i feel like shit.
fuck me.
all this time i think i am in the right.
FUCK.

2009-05-04T19:25:00.002+08:00

after school i went for lunch with the girls in class. :D
den, i went straight home.
it'd been a long time since i am home before 5pm.
in the past when she was still here, i always have the motivation to be at home by this time.
But now, i have no idea what to do at home.
dad is not at home when i reach home he went to visit her again.
so it was just me, my com and my dog in my room
this house seems so familiar yet different in the same time.
the joy and the laughter that used to fill this house seems to have vanished.
when i am at home now, it is just her that flood my mind.
memories of the most basic time we shared together become so precious.
dinner is always a torture to me.
in the past, i would always help her when she is cooking trying to learn some stuff from her.
now, the table is just filled with food that are no longer filled with love.
most importantly, her love.
last night, before i went to sleep, it just struck upon me that i didn't do anything for her during last yr's mothers' day
but its just too late to make it up to her

2009-04-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

damn. i can't find anyone who really understand me.

2009-04-23T22:09:00.002+08:00

next thursday will be cheer performance.
omg! after trng for soooo long, we are finally going to perform it.
i am really scared i will screw the whole thing
omg. i am looking for this cheer thing to end cos..
my tutorials are piling up and my studies are going downhill
i desperately need the time to catch up with my studies.
but den again, i don wan it to end.
cheer is kinda one of the thing that keep me going in sch
the cheer ppl are the nicest ones i had met in AJ
i really love AJ CHEER!
i am so gonna miss them ALL!

2009-04-21T20:33:00.002+08:00

damn it. i just failed a maths test.
and i am soo sure that i am gonna fail my physics test.
damn it la. these two subjects were the 2 i am most confident at.
now, everythings seems to suck
is it because u are no longer here
or is it just because i simply suck to begin with
SHIT i feel like a failure now..
omg.. i hate feeling like a loser.

2009-04-13T21:31:00.002+08:00

hey just done a personality test..
i thought it is quite accurate
hahah shall share with yall the result
hahahahahaha here it goes:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2009-04-10T22:19:00.003+08:00

i love aj cheer!!
haha all of us are fun ppl
really looking forward for cheer practice
i really enjoyed myself on thurs
we had a really productive practice did A LOT of stunts :D

i just came back from 4z class gathering
damn sad la.. only a few of us were there:(
damn... when we were out, someone mentioned
mother's day is coming..
shit.

2009-04-07T21:47:00.003+08:00

shit. i hate the state my mind is in right now..
i don't know why but i am starting to sink into self pity..
thinking that my life is the worst.
omg...i hate this..
cos i know many ppl out there are worse den me..
shit shit shit... i should stop being such a selfish bitch who thinks the world revolves around me.

anyway... i seems to be losing confidence in myself day by day
i can't do anything... maths, chem, physics and everything
i am so screwed...
i need u here right now to tell me i can do it.
only den i will believe i can..
i don't wanna retain..
i don't wanna get out of SC

2009-03-30T22:49:00.002+08:00

today, someone around me celebrated her mother bday.
then i realized something.
i will never ever celebrate her bday with her anymore.
what is worse is that..
i don't recall her voice anymore.
i miss her. i miss her laughter, her scoldings, her nagging and her lameness.
i received the Principal's award on Saturday.
i was really sad that day....
cos i remembered one yr ago, i was in the car promising her this..
'mummy i will get this award for you den u can present the award to me'
one year later, i got the award but... you are not a round anymore...
this award lost all the meaning it meant to have...
i missed u a lot...
so much that i can just randomly cry during my bus trip home.
i hate to be alone now.
cos when i am alone, memories of u starts to flood my mind.
and i feel like shit..
the thought of you not being in my life just make me break down..
i want you back..
back to my life..
i want back the days whereby i know u would be at home waiting for me..
i miss you like crazy...
people may not know this but i am dying without you..
literally dying

2009-03-21T00:19:00.002+08:00

this post is for you.
i really thank you for all happy memories we had
you were always there when i needed someone
but sometimes, shit happen
i am really sorry for how things is becoming
i am really a jerk.
sorry and thankyou.

2009-03-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel like i am some stupid self-centered person.
in a relationship, i am like always the one receiving shit.
i am always the one who sets the rules and all
i feel like an ass.
sometimes, i think i am the worst gf could ever have

2009-03-09T20:02:00.002+08:00

today is a really bad day
talked to jie and got upset cos i kinda agree with wat she thinks
sigh..
why is life just so complicated?
why must life be like that can't it be simpler
omg. i think i am kinda dying from exhaustion
the eye bags are really getting more and more obvious these days
oh my.
i have soooo many stuff to complete and yet i have sooo little time to complete them.
i need a time machine.

seriously.

2009-03-03T20:10:00.002+08:00

HELLLOOOO everybody~~!
hahahahahah omg i am soooooooo happy today!
i just found out that i got the principal's award
hahaha i am really happy
because i did everything i promised her
i promised to get below ten points for her
and i promised her that i would get the award for her
and i did it
i really hope she know this
because i reallly want her to know that her daughter made her proud
I REALLY LOVE YOU MUMMY.

2009-02-26T22:16:00.002+08:00

YAY!
i got through council interview!:D
hahaha
i finally got a CCA!
omg i am going to run for election soon
hahah quit cool yeh?
school like really started already
lectures tutorials all started this week!
omg! i feel so stressed by all the work i gotta do
i reallly hope my results would be good cos..
i gotta make her proud!

2009-02-22T18:10:00.002+08:00

my first bday without her.
and it sucks to the core
it just feel like something is missing
17 yrs ago she brought me into this world
17 yrs later she is not here anymore
the purpose of this day no longer exists
i miss her a lot.

2009-02-19T21:15:00.005+08:00

if only you were here.

Then maybe they won't treat me like i am still a kid.

if only you were here.

then maybe they will at least trust me with my own life

if only you were here.

then they would believe i am studying

if only you were here.

then i can complain to you about my studies

if only you were here.

then you get guide me through this stage of my life

if only you were here.

then you would talk to me about of relationship

if only you were here.

then i won't need to see him breaking down almost everytime i see him

if only you were here.

then i will love to come home everyday

if only you were here.

then you will believe i will be able to date and study at the same time

if only you were here.

my life would be more complete

if only you were here.

but i know this will never happen.

2009-02-16T18:56:00.002+08:00

today is officially the first day of my JC life
because i had lectures today
really boring but i managed to stay awake!
hahaha i am gonna start mugging
gotta prove to the rest that i can study and have a relationship at the same time
too many people doubting me!
hahaha i gotta prove them wrong
so that they will like me and thomas being together.!
today we talked about my life
hahaa i just realised how dramatic my stupid life is.
lets just hope there would be no more drama.
hahaha i had enough.

i hope we can stay this way for long. cause i know i am happy now. (:

2009-02-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

yay! orientation is finally coming!!
its tomorrow!!! hahaha
oh my.. i really miss having recess with my bunch of friends.
there were always endless laughter
and they nvr failed to entertain me
CHERYL KHAIRIAH DEBORAH HALIMATUL AND JOLYN!!!

I MISS YOU GUYS A LOT!!!!!!

2009-02-04T22:11:00.002+08:00

third day of school is so much better
i think its because i had five hours of free period hahaha
damn slack can...i am gonna enjoy these two weeks..
cos i know when the official lessons starts, its gonna be HELL
anyway..i spent my free time today in the library with some cedarians
hahaha we got chased out of the library cos we were laughing too much
hahaha its the third day and i am already getting scolded..
had the CCA carnival thingy today quite interesting....
after that i went to meet THOMAS hahaha :D:D:D:D:D

i don't expect us to last but i hope we last....

2009-02-02T19:05:00.002+08:00

okay for those that don't know this yet, i am now in Anderson Junior College.
today was the first day of school and guess wat!
i don't understand why i was actually so excited abt coming to this school
hahaha this school is so boring!!!!
i hope its because this is the start...
hope it gets better on orientation week!!
PLEASE!!!! to all the AJCians please make my 2 yrs in AJ and fun one like CEDAR!!!!

she promised to send me to school on my first day of JC.....where is she now?

2009-01-14T17:23:00.002+08:00

i got my results two days ago.
i managed to get a single digit but
i am not happy at all.
because the person i want to share it with most is no longer here
i will never know whether she knows my results
i will never know how proud she would be
i really hope she was here to share the joy with me
but, this would never happen.

2009-01-04T01:09:00.002+08:00

its the new year!
haha time really do fly.
its less than 10 days before i am getting back my results
gosh.i am reaslly afraid i won't be able to make into my ideal school.
i really hope 2009 would be a good year for me for the family and for my friends
2008 was too crap
lets all hope that 2009 would turn out GREAT!:D

2008-12-26T01:34:00.002+08:00

how time flies..
the new year is coming already.
seems like yesterday when i was preparing my o levels and she was still around
this year is the worst year in my life
too many stuff had happened.
some of these stuff i really hoped did not happened.
anyway..i realised its around 2 to 3 weeks before i am getting back my results
i really hope i did well.
this was the last thing she told me to do.
to do well for my o levels
i really wanna do well for her

2008-12-09T12:11:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wish i had the courage she had
so i can leave this world
but thank goodness,i am a coward.

2008-12-02T23:09:00.001+08:00

haha i had my first day at cafe cartel
omg it is freaking tiring
haha i am like having headache
haha but its still fun after all
hope i can survive this!!!
:D:D:D

2008-12-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

haha random post.
got this from facebook:

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats, I remained silent; I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out

2008-11-14T15:37:00.000+08:00

i officially hate my life.

2008-11-04T20:46:00.002+08:00

tomorrow i will be having my higher chinese paper.
man i man like freaking afraid that i will not pass
haha my mum knew this fact a lot
haha she knew how scared i am towards this paper
i really hope that she is here to assure me that its okay
i know i said i was gonna put her behind me
but this gets tougher as time goes by
man. i really miss her

2008-11-01T22:29:00.002+08:00

okay..so i've decided..
i will stop being emo :)
because, it won't get me anyway
and most importantly, she won't be back
will..i guess my life Have to go on ultimately
i mean, i am very sure she would want to see me moving on with my life
and i am damn sure she doesn't want to see me sad.
so...i will carry on with my life happily
but, this doesn't mean that she is gonna be out of my life
because i know she will continue to live deep down in my heart
all i wanna say is,
I LOVE YOU MUMMY!

2008-10-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

without you in my life now,
my whole life seems to be different
without you, the house that always seems to be filled with laughters and warm
all of a sudden become extremely cold and quiet
without you in my life, the dishes on the dining table sucks
without you, there seems to be no one available for me to speak to when i am stressed
without you, my life seems to have a hole which can never be mended
without you, the word lonely becomes lonelier
i miss you.

do you know that?

2008-10-26T20:58:00.002+08:00

it had been 9 days already.
but i still can't get used to you not being by my side
i miss you so much.
more than anyone can ever imagine
i am trying my best to be strong so that nobody would be worried.
but every time when i am alone, i can't help but to think about you
every bit of my life is filled with memories with you
i really want you back in my life
i want you badly
every time when i am feeling sad or stress, you are always there
all ready to console me
telling me lame jokes just to get a little smile on my face
i really miss the times we spent together.
all the laughter we had all the joy we shared
i really miss your scolding a lot
i really wish you would be here this second to console me
to stop me from crying.
even though at times i may look happy, i am crying in my heart all the time
i just cannot accept the fact you are no longer here
it is just to sudden for me
i really really desperately want you back in my life